I am breathing a sigh of relief, he just went down for his morning nap. It is quiet, he is sweetly sleeping.
I don't know that I could possibly write enough to fully capture the joy that he is.
He is a handsome little guy with the most incredible eyelashes I have ever seen. His smile lights up the entire city of Port-Au-Prince. He is happy, so happy. It astounds me, the joy he has within him. Especially considering where he came from.
He was abandoned. He was neglected. He was rejected.
But our Lord Jesus was still holding him in the palm of His hand. Because of who Jesus is this baby has a hope and a future. He is accepted and loved. He may not have earthly parents but he has a magnificent heavenly Father who cares so deeply for him.
Psalm 139:15-18 (NIV)
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
This baby's days were fashioned before he was born. When he was formed in his mother's womb, God knew that his mother would not keep him. He knew and he planned out everything that would happen in this little one's life. He planned for our paths to cross. I have the privilege of being able to care for this sweet boy.
And I am so thankful for that.
Yes, he can frustrate me to no end. Yes, he cries and throws tantrums and I want to scream. I want to pull out my hair. I want to give up. He's a one year old. He tests me. And sometimes, I want to quit because I am not a mother. Sometimes, I cannot handle this. Sometimes, I break down. Sometimes, I feel like I have failed. But I keep going. I keep loving. I keep saying the word no over and over again, because he needs to learn right from wrong.
I don't give up because more than anything, I want my sweet little boy to feel loved. I want him to know what love means. I want him to experience it here on earth, so that he might understand the love of the Father. I want him to know that his is loved, so utterly loved.
And he does. He is learning. He is loving me right back.
He is my cuddle-bug. He wraps his little brown arms around my neck and squeezes as hard as he possibly can. He gives me sweet little kisses. He runs his small hands through my hair. He rests his head on my shoulder. When I'm rocking him to sleep, he lightly pats my arms or rubs my back. He looks into my eyes and I know that he feels loved. There is a light, a sparkle. I just know. I just know he feels loved and that he loves me back.
This boy is abounding in joy and love because God has a special plan for his little life.
I am so unbelievably blessed to be able to share in God's mighty plan. That I would be the one He would choose to use. It leaves me speechless and in awe of our lovely Creator.
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